I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
