I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
