My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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