i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
All the doctor said was why
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
