I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
