I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
