At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
