a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
