I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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