I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
