Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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