Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  You weighed it?

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  (817): Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car? (1-817): You weighed it? http://tfl.nu/lai6
  Replies (37) Good night (22697) Bad night (1770)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  that's Oklahoma for you

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  (405): I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view (1-405): that's Oklahoma for you http://tfl.nu/8v2d
  Replies (11) Good night (638) Bad night (2017)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.

  (206): View more from Washington

  High?

  (425): View more from Washington

  hahahahaha turkey breast

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  (425): ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector. (206): High? (425): hahahahaha turkey breast http://tfl.nu/8hm7
  Replies (41) Good night (3791) Bad night (772)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi

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  (480): This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi http://tfl.nu/fvjc
  Replies (23) Good night (4231) Bad night (689)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?

  (571): View more from Virginia

  Fuck you.

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  (703): I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right? (571): Fuck you. http://tfl.nu/jxij
  Replies (13) Good night (4395) Bad night (2035)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm

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  (702): Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm http://tfl.nu/d1by
  Replies (1) Good night (2162) Bad night (765)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?

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  (862): I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this? http://tfl.nu/11gl
  Replies (3) Good night (976) Bad night (4082)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"

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  (440): Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little" http://tfl.nu/17w7
  Replies (6) Good night (3354) Bad night (1010)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Beer Popsicles are better in theory

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  (903): Beer Popsicles are better in theory http://tfl.nu/iyrx
  Replies (9) Good night (2124) Bad night (1065)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!

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  (302): I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me! http://tfl.nu/y8cp
  Replies (5) Good night (1646) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.

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  (316): I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry. http://tfl.nu/w045
  Replies (4) Good night (783) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.

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  (716): I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you. http://tfl.nu/g31r
  Replies (1) Good night (724) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.

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  (304): One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both. http://tfl.nu/pmax
  Replies (0) Good night (661) Bad night (308)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.

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  (760): I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night. http://tfl.nu/o107
  Replies (4) Good night (650) Bad night (378)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while

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  (519): I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while http://tfl.nu/0rg5
  Replies (4) Good night (588) Bad night (334)

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