Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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