Texts From Last Night

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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I thought you said his peep was too small

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.

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  (505): I thought you said his peep was too small (1-505): it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on. http://tfl.nu/ttsw
  Replies (11) Good night (706) Bad night (1785)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.

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  (775): before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal. http://tfl.nu/j0la
  Replies (69) Good night (38722) Bad night (2040)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?

  (541): View more from Oregon

  It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.

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  (509): My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that? (541): It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you. http://tfl.nu/ntpo
  Replies (15) Good night (829) Bad night (2459)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.

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  (815): Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet. http://tfl.nu/agm0
  Replies (34) Good night (714) Bad night (3236)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.

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  (906): The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock. http://tfl.nu/nnn9
  Replies (6) Good night (787) Bad night (3537)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.

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  (703): we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints. http://tfl.nu/3trl
  Replies (37) Good night (19664) Bad night (922)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.

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  (404): he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip. http://tfl.nu/ir9l
  Replies (9) Good night (946) Bad night (3931)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common

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  (907): It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common http://tfl.nu/qmer
  Replies (47) Good night (1375) Bad night (4500)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.

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  (615): Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls. http://tfl.nu/rbr1
  Replies (13) Good night (3904) Bad night (1481)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Was he satisfied?

  (416): View more from Toronto

  No, and very vocal about it.

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  (416): I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home (647): Was he satisfied? (416): No, and very vocal about it. http://tfl.nu/h3jb
  Replies (8) Good night (2515) Bad night (785)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now

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  (907): You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now http://tfl.nu/vnkw
  Replies (7) Good night (1187) Bad night (513)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.

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  (641): I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich. http://tfl.nu/1t3s
  Replies (5) Good night (988) Bad night (658)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.

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  (647): Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg. http://tfl.nu/wi3n
  Replies (1) Good night (1332) Bad night (498)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?

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  (770): Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again? http://tfl.nu/c4dt
  Replies (4) Good night (1327) Bad night (377)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.

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  (570): Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home. http://tfl.nu/ff77
  Replies (1) Good night (506) Bad night (185)

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