thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.