I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
