Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
