Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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