I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
