my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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