I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
