I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
