Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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