yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
