I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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