if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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