my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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