at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
