Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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