Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just found puke in my bra..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
