we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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