i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize