I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
