Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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