How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
