We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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