Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
