U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
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By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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