So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
