Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
