in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
