I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
high people should be assigned attendants
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
