Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
