I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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