watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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