she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
