My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
