it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
