she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
