I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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