seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
