Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
