Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
