i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
