We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
