If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
