An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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