FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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