Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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