these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
