I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
