you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
