Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Randomize
