i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
