I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
