Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
