we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
