you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
