i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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