Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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