Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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