Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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