I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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