I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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